whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
