I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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