Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
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