i just sent this text using only my big toe
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
