Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
