It's like God shit irony all over that family
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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