Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
