I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
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