I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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