I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She told me I should be a condom model.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
