Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize