those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
