I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
she told me i tasted like america
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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