if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
