dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
