Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
