its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
