Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
