my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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