Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
