You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I've blown a few things in my day
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
