hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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