Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
