Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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