Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
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I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
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I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize