I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize