I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
