You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
