Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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