I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
