She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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