Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You may now shotgun with the bride
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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