do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
