I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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