It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
