i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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