No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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