yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
