My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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