If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
