So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
