It's like a parade of train wrecks.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
