im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
