She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
