I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
