I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
