So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
