Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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