Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
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I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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