he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
