i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize