Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
