i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize