dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
